things i'm learning

life has been really busy lately. and when its this busy, i often forget to stop and think about the things that God is trying to teach me amidst the business. but instead of getting down on myself for "not being a good enough christian" i choose to be encouraged by the fact that God doesn't forget me even when i forget him during my day. {side note: i think abiding is one of those life long processes that we learn and develop into. i don't think we can ever achieve true abiding until we are with him. we may as well accept that we will fail at abiding in Him while we are on earth. this is more freeing. at least that's what i think} anyway, here are some things that i'm learning...

i don't have to say everything that comes through my mind
for example: i hate dallas traffic. with a passion. it makes me nervous, i get headaches, i'm constantly holding onto the handle on the door. well, this past weekend we were caught in a whole LOT of crazy dallas traffic. i decided to make known, several times, how much i hated dallas traffic. britt, my sweet patient driving husband {no, i wasn't even the one driving!} took offense to my comment because dallas is his hometown and his family lives there. now, of course i didn't mean that i didn't like going to see his family or that i wish the city of dallas would burn into the ground... but still, it hurt his feelings. i should have apologized {which i did) and dropped it. but no, every time i'd get frustrated because yet another driver cut us off and almost caused a wreck, yup, i'd let out a dramatic "ah! i hate dallas traffic!" seriously?! while this seems like a silly example, i think we can all come up with several times in the day where we say something stupid that we could've just kept to ourselves. i think we can also all agree that this is one area where we can't do this alone. this is a total Jesus moment.

i'm not sure i'll ever understand how much God loves me, but this is a start
we all know God loves us. it says so in the Bible, so it must be true. but why is it so hard for us, sometimes, to understand what that means. especially when it comes to us falling short of what we think are "good-christian-requirements." maybe its because we place our own human limits on God's love for us.
a few years ago, when we were thrown in the thick of things, it was really hard for me to continue believing that God loved me and was for me because i felt like i was lacking in a lot of different ways. now that we are going through our pregnancy one thing has become clear clearer than anything i've ever know - i love this little life inside me. britt loves the little life inside me. and he didn't have to anything to "earn" our love. he just exists and we love him. i can't begin to comprehend how much more we'll love him when we finally do get to hold him. multiply that times infinity and that's how much God loves us. and not because we deserve it or because we have our quiet times in the morning, or because we witness to others {or don't do any of those things}... he loves us because we are his. and if we can build from that, well, i'm pretty sure our life would change.